The marriage expert

A man in his 40s went to see a marriage counselor to ask for some advice.

“Before I got married, my wife-to-be was the most beautiful person on the planet. But after we got married everyone else was beautiful except her. What’s wrong with me?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” replied the marriage counselor.

“What should I do then?” asked the man again.

“I don’t know,” he said.

“But aren’t you supposed to be a marriage counselor?”

“Yes. But I’m married too.”

The price of pretense

We hear this phrase all the time: be yourself. Well, the truth is we often pretend to be who we are not, consciously or unconsciously…and end up paying a painful price.

A fierce-looking and muscular guy, apparently a loan shark, came into a crowded and noisy coffee shop and called out in a booming voice.
“I’m looking for Leonard!” he said in an angry tone. Silence fell inside the shop. The customers were looking at one another, puzzled. “I’m looking for Leonard!’ he repeated, his voice growing louder. “Anyone of you here by the name of Leonard?” he asked as his eyes scanned every customer in the shop. All the customers kept quite and were frightened. Suddenly, a young man who was sitting at the corner calmly said without even looking at the loan shark, “I’m Leonard. What do you want?” In a flash, the loan shark pounced at him and threw heavy punches and kicks at him. The poor young man was bleeding all over but he hardly fought back. Finally, the assailant broke his fingers, gave one final kick on his ribs which also resulted in several more broken bones and a possible internal bleeding, and left the shop. The other customers, who were horrified by what had happened, came to help the young man. “Call the ambulance!” said one of them. Suddenly, the young man who was still lying on the floor, bleeding and obviously in terrible pain, started to speak. “I’ve got the better of him,” he said, half smiling. “Actually, I’m not Leonard.”

The folly of institutionalised learning

A father was overheard teaching giving his teenage son some advice about education.
Father: You must study hard, son.
Son: Why?
Father: Well, so that you can go to the university someday.
Son: For what?
Father: So you can earn a degree and then go out to the world with a good job.
Son: Why would I need a good job?
Father: So you’ll make more money.
Son: If education is all about making money, I might as well learn to make it now.


The folly of institutionalized learning.

Albert Einstein once said: The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education

The brief history of medicine

2000 B.C. — Here, eat this root
1000 A.D. — That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. — That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. — That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. — That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. — That antibiotic doesn't work anymore. Here, eat this root.

The Mexican fisherman

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while." The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs." The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise." The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years." "But what then?" asked the Mexican. The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions." "Millions?...Then what?" The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

Author unknown

Gandhi's shoes

As Gandhi stepped aboard a train one day, one of his shoes slipped off and landed on the track. He was unable to retrieve it as the train was moving. To the amazement of his companions, Gandhi calmly took off his other shoe and threw it back along the track to land close to the first. Asked by a fellow passenger why he did so, Gandhi smiled. "The poor man who finds the shoes lying on the track," he replied, "will now have a pair he can use."

In the same boat

Two men were out on the ocean in a boat.
One of them began drilling in the bottom of the boat, and the other, aghast said "What are you doing? Stop drilling!".
And the first man replied: "It's all right. I'm only drilling on my side."